Slowing, Swimming, and Seeing
My intention this moment is to gain clarity through process. Getting clear about what? Well, about what I’m here to be. I’m here as a vessel to carry a spirit of loving kindness. Let’s face it, it’s hard to find the spirit of loving kindness because there’s all this projection around—from everyone and everywhere, including me. That’s where the confusion and lack of clarity comes in. I carry it all around and feel it in my body (aka vessel.) I feel it in my tight muscles and sometimes even migraines or hives on my skin.
My intention is to sift out the icky stuff and let go of it. When I do this, I gain clarity and start to notice when I accumulate the residual sludge of projected energy that often activates shame, my old pattern of self-degradation.
My intention is to gain clarity through process. The process has multiple components—daily meditation and energetic journaling are coming forth. The Radiant Temple Sisterhood brought this concept to my attention during our Sister connection call recently. We acknowledged how we can “feel into” a practice like journaling rather than literally doing it. It’s with energy, sort of like channeling the act of journaling.
I realize that this is what I do when I am swimming every morning. As my body is gliding through the pool, I am both processing information and cleansing my system. I visualize the water flushing through and washing away any ickiness.
My recent Connection Call with my Wildly Radiant Sisters was so helpful to me. I have been thinking about the benefits ever since. The way I am understanding is that I can feel into the energy of a certain practice and it can be as beneficial as the practice itself. So for me, when I am lap swimming as part of my week day practice, I am also channeling the act of journaling. As I am gliding through the pool, I am processing information with my whole body and it feels like I am writing something true. I gain clarity from the action—I gain clarity from process.
After my swim yesterday morning, I narrated a journal entry into my recorder while driving to work. I was able to truly metabolize and transmute some of the old stories that my body has been hooked into. I’ve been suffering from trapped anger.
I am trusting the softening in my heart and envision this medallion expanding from my Heart center two or three times a day. It is my gift to visualize and create from this place. 🙏❤️
Re-Opening Edymade
I first opened the edymade Etsy Shop in 2009 to feature my fine art, prints, and sewn creations. In the past decade since edymade's original opening, I have been on a creative path that involves aspects of meditation and awareness.
The re-opening of edymade begins with a listing for the print, Transmutation Circle. Re-opening the Etsy store is a big step for me. It reflects the actualization of the intentions I proclaimed when applying for Brentwood School’s Pratt Intellectual Development Fund, particularly, that “my gains in self-confidence will enhance my leadership skills, enabling me to easily share how the combination of action and intellect produces meaningful work.” I am proud of the work and my commitment to developing it. I am even more proud that I have persevered through my self-doubt in order to offer it for sale.
I am creating art that is inspired by a number of culminating factors that have helped me develop the resilience to stay on the creative path: a daily meditation practice, yoga, an exploration of the Chakras, an attention to nature and animals, and, most recently, an integrated awareness that comes from learning Aerial Arts. After more than a year long contemplation of these combined factors , this newer awareness is manifesting in the form of mandalas. The mandalas are often tied to affirmations and intentions that enhance my spiritual journey. I am deeply grateful to the support of all the members of Elisha Clark Halpin’s Wildly Radiant for mentoring and encouraging me. In addition, I am extremely thankful to my longtime friend, Marigny Michel, who is helping me organize and categorize the listings.
Aerial Arts Inspiration
This series is a visual representation of my physical and spiritual journey learning Aerial Arts during the summer of 2018. Alongside my Aerial training with Cheryl Broughton, I made stream of consciousness paintings. These paintings were also influenced by sessions with Sifu Matthew Cohen from Sacred Energy Arts, who offers “a unique, integrated system of health and self development drawing from the teachings of Yoga, Healing, and Martial Arts.” The first step in creating the paintings was done with free application of water media. The vibrant hues from concentrated watercolors emerged from me in shapes and lines that were evocative of my journey and were what I felt in my body and were the summation of the processing of my emotions.
As I became less attached to the need for realistic imagery, the shift in my artwork immediately began to manifest as abstraction. In this series, color relates to the vibrations of different chakras. Rich reds, such as pure Cadmium or deep Crimson, emerge to relay the Root Chakra of connection. Vivid Indigo blends with turquoise to reference the intuitive qualities of the Third Eye Chakra and opening of Throat Chakra to speak my truth. Patterns from nature also come forth, such as the snake skin’s repeating, interlocking, almond shape or the hexagonal shapes in the turtle’s scutes and honeycomb cells of beehives. These shapes symbolize the Animal Medicine called forth to make the transcendent journey that parallels my Aerial arts experience. I continue to trust the work of the abstract, stream of consciousness paintings. The imagery always has the right “medicine” for the spiraling of my journey.
Phase two of the process is more methodical and meticulous. I photograph the abstract watercolor sketches and open them in Adobe Photoshop, applying radial symmetry in different ways to compose mandalas. I develop written affirmations that reinforce the meditative qualities of the artwork.
My newest work is a visual representation of my experience learning Aerial Arts during the summer of 2018. Alongside my Aerial training with Cheryl Broughton, I made stream of consciousness watercolors that I am now transforming into mixed media mandalas. These paintings were also influenced by sessions with Sifu Matthew Cohen from Sacred Energy Arts.
I began by applying for the Pratt Intellectual Development Fund awarded by Brentwood School to its faculty. After applying for the grant in December of 2017, I learned the following Spring that I would be awarded the funds and was able to start my training in the summer. My application specified a clear rationale and a list of intentions and expected outcomes.
Rationale
My intention is to learn Aerial Arts[1] as a way to discover an exciting new perspective that will invigorate both my teaching and art making. My goal is to explore Aerial Fabric, Aerial Hoop, and Aerial Hammock, as art forms that will enhance my creativity both in and outside of the classroom. In addition, I will continue to develop mindfulness and meditation through the lens of yoga, qigong, and martial arts.
Anticipated Outcomes
· I will develop a series of new paintings that will be informed by kinesthetic learning and the conscious understanding of my body as it moves through space.
· I will incorporate more kinesthetic learning into my art curriculum.
· I will understand Aerial Arts as an accessible art form that will bring me a new kind of self-awareness and enhance my self-confidence.
· My gains in self-confidence will enhance my leadership skills, enabling me to easily share how the combination of action and intellect produces meaningful work.
· I will complete 10 hours of one-on-one study with Los Angeles-based Aerial Arts instructor, Cheryl Broughton.
· Specifically, I will become familiar with basic climbing techniques, single and double foot tie-ins, inversions, basing, and basic drops. I will also learn positions such as Mermaid, Candy Cane, and Peter Pan.
· I will include a video of my Aerial training alongside slides of new paintings in my summary at the conclusion of this project.
[1] Aerial Arts refers to physical disciplines involving the use of apparatuses that hang down from a rig point. Some of the most common are Aerial Fabric (commonly called Aerial Silks even though they are not in fact made from silk), Aerial Hoop (also called Lyra or Cerceaux), Trapeze(static, swinging, flying, and dance trapeze), Aerial Rope (also called Corde Lisse), Straps, Loops, Slings, Hammocks, and a variety of other apparatuses of all shapes and sizes.
The first step in creating the paintings was making stream of consciousness watercolor sketches. As I freely applied concentrated water media, vibrant hues emerged in shapes and lines that were evocative of what I felt in my body and were the summation of the processing of my emotions. As I became less attached to the need for realistic imagery, the shift in my artwork immediately began to manifest as abstraction. In this series, color relates to the vibrations of different chakras. Rich reds, such as pure cadmium or deep crimson, emerge to relay the root chakra of connection. Vivid indigo blends with turquoise to reference the intuitive qualities of the third eye chakra and opening of throat chakra. Patterns from nature also come forth, such as the snake skin’s repeating, interlocking, almond shape or the hexagonal shapes in the turtle’s scutes and honeycomb cells of beehives. These shapes symbolize the Animal Medicine called forth to make the transcendent journey that paralleled my Aerial Arts experience. I continue to trust the work of the abstract, stream of consciousness paintings. The imagery always has the right “medicine” for the spiraling of my journey.
I am currently navigating phase two of the process, which is more methodical and meticulous. I photograph the abstract watercolor sketches and open them in Adobe Photoshop, extracting compelling shapes and applying radial symmetry to compose mandalas. I often develop written affirmations that reinforce the meditative qualities of the artwork and post them on Instagram.
Reflections on My Chakra Healing Journey
2018 was a monumental year for me. To assist my own meditation journey, I began painting lotuses as I focused my energy on a particular chakra and its energy source. I led others to do the same through workshops both locally in Los Angeles and also at a winery in Sonoma. Best of all, I started making youTube videos so that I could continue to lead groups or individuals remotely.
I first became fascinated by chakras and auras upon my first visit to Thunderbolt Spiritual Books in Santa Monica back in the summer of 1999 when I moved to LA. I picked up Wheels of Life by Anodea Judith and I was blown away by the possibility that there could be a whole rainbow living and spinning inside of me, influencing my entire way of being in the world. Since I’m originally from South Carolina and had a southern Christian upbringing, I had never been exposed to many other philosophies or spiritual practices. At the time, I gobbled up the text, but I did not fully immerse myself in chakra work. The book eventually sat on the shelf and I went about my life with my chakras tilting out of balance in my peripheral.
Fast-forward about 15 years to the end of 2014 when I gave birth to my daughter. Giving birth and taking on the Epic Mother role (in addition to the equally Epic Wife role I assumed in 2011) brought up a whole bunch of nuanced emotions for me, as it does for most women.
Slowly and methodically, I have been sifting through my life to find a way to heal from so many experiences that have meant to be teachings, but from which I’ve only learned half-lessons and remained in pain. I had been suffering and closing down little by little each minute of each day, and it was now taking a toll on my relationships. I knew I had to find a way to open up so that I would not fall apart and lose myself completely.
I began journaling like crazy and asking my higher power to show me a path to being whole, healed, and creative. In the summer of 2017, I visited a different bookstore: Pendragon Books in Oakland, CA. I found The Book of Chakra Healing by Liz Simpson. Again, I was struck by the vibrant colors and the epic healing power of chakras. I began to explore them again, this time using Simpson’s approach--guided meditations, yoga, being open to crystals, essential oils, archetypes, and assembling altars.
I learned from an online source that, in Hinduism, the chakra is also referred to as a lotus flower. That’s when I began painting lotuses and started my work with Elisha Clark Halpin’s Wildly Radiant Tribe and Temple.
In twenty years teaching, I’m just now starting to truly understand that the students are my teachers as much as I am theirs. Lately, I’m most struck by the tears I see on a daily basis--Kindergarteners who are devastated that they are not perfect. The inability of students to accept art-making as a joyful process-- is definitely right in my face. I refuse to perpetuate that type of BS anymore, so, I recognize that it starts with me. I have to dive in and get real--if I can’t accept myself and enjoy the process, then I can’t teach others to do the same. So, I’m driven to heal and accept myself and my process as part of my teaching initiative.
Painting has always been an inward journey. It exposes great joy and at the same time, deep suffering. What I am learning now is that the best teachers can be pain and suffering themselves. I am still learning and evolving the methods I use to deal with pain. I know a lot about how to mix colors and apply them to canvas or paper. It’s pretty easy for me to simulate the illusion of light with paint and brush. I can share this knowledge and consider myself an expert in it. However, I am just now grasping how to use the painting process as a metaphor for living a more mindful existence. I’m excited to share that experience through my painting workshops and YouTube videos even though I am far from an expert!
Painting is a teacher of self-acceptance, if anything, and I’d like to further reveal it as such.
