I learn from my teacher, who is my horsewoman soul applying gentle pressure on my inner equine. She gets my attention with her subtle pushes, which start gently and increase slightly until we are quite uncomfortable. The horse inside tries many approaches to get the horsewoman to cease her incessant tapping, but none of the choices made are slowing into presence or easing into breath. Instead, I pace this way and that, snort, stomp, and chomp--I resist simple solutions and gravitate toward the complexities of irritation. So, the pressure continues.
Occasionally, my inner horse remembers. She slows down and glides inside, takes a deep breath, and feels it light up her lungs. We've finally reached the moment when inner horse responds the way her horsewoman intends. The pressure is released as a means of communicating that the lesson has been learned. Gratitude abound for that moment--we are saved!
I give my horse a soft pet on the base of the neck—right above the shoulder--that loving spot of maternal connection where the mama horse nuzzles her foal. I hear encouragement within--a softly spoken “good girl.” I see the liquid blink of acknowledgement in the reflection of her side eye and we stand still, absorbing the warmth of sun permeating Earth.
I am learning from myself like a horse learns from her kind and patient trainer. When I experience gratitude for the moments of released pressure—let’s say I breathe in completely and can feel my lungs' expansion—I enjoy the sensations and I simultaneously experience the gratitude for the release and the release itself. I viscerally feel depression lifting and it becomes the visualization of a lens flare spreading like the sun. That flare is entering my body as nourishment--it is the warm center of a radiant mandala.
That flare is entering my body as nourishment--it is the warm center of a radiant mandala.
Image: Palm Springs Transmutation, 2019
I bask in the beauty of grace and gratitude. I become like a river who flows into her becoming--connection and communion are one. I am patient with mySelf to reach the depths of me. We begin again.